An honest look at how people are rethinking monogamy, rewriting the rules, and redefining love on their own terms.
When the Default No Longer Fits
Monogamy, often viewed as the foundation of romantic relationships, is being reexamined in today’s world. While many still value exclusive partnerships, a growing number of people are exploring alternative relationship structures—pushing us to ask: is monogamy still serving us, or are we just holding on out of habit?
Love Has Never Been One-Size-Fits-All
Relationship dynamics are shifting—and the numbers reflect that change. A February 2023 YouGov poll found that 55% of Americans prefer complete monogamy, while 34% describe their ideal relationship as something other than fully monogamous.
In the UK, a 2023 YouGov survey revealed that 9% of adults have been in or would consider a polyamorous relationship—a number that climbs to 13% among 18- to 24-year-olds.
In Canada, a 2019 study reported that approximately 2.4% of adults are currently in consensually non-monogamous relationships, with about 11.9% expressing a desire to be in one.
These figures suggest a growing openness to alternative relationship structures, particularly among younger generations. While many people actively choose open or polyamorous dynamics, others find themselves in non-monogamous situations without shared understanding—through secrecy, mismatched expectations, or unspoken needs.
Even this speaks to how love is often shaped by more than just intention—sometimes by confusion, silence, or unmet needs.
Taken together, these patterns reflect a cultural shift in how many are reimagining love and partnership beyond traditional monogamy.
But this isn’t entirely new—history tells a more unfolding, human story.
The Many Shapes of Commitment
Throughout history, human relationships have taken many forms beyond monogamy. Polygamy—whether it’s polygyny (one man with multiple wives) or polyandry (one woman with multiple husbands)—has been practiced across a wide range of cultures. These structures often reflected the economic, environmental, or social needs of a given society.
Polyandry in Practice
Polyandry, though less common globally than polygyny, has been documented across both ancient texts and real-world communities—past and present:
- In the Indian epic Mahabharata, Draupadi is married to five brothers, illustrating a shared familial union as part of the narrative’s moral and cultural symbolism.
- In parts of Nepal and India, fraternal polyandry has long been practiced to prevent the division of family land, where brothers share one wife to preserve inheritance.
- Among the Irigwe people of Nigeria (until 1968), women had multiple co-husbands and rotated between households—a socially accepted structure woven into community life.
- Konadu Yaadom, the fourth queen mother of the Ashanti Empire in Ghana, was historically documented to have had multiple marriages, which reinforced her political and spiritual influence.
- In the U.S., the reality show Brother Husbands introduced viewers to a polyandrous family dynamic, bringing modern visibility to a relationship model rarely shown in Western media.
- Isolated reports in regions like Tibet and parts of East Africa describe informal or necessity-based polyandrous relationships shaped by migration, survival, and localized customs.
Though less common today, polyandry continues to surface—quietly or openly—as people craft relationships that respond to the realities of their lives.
Polygyny in Practice
Polygyny has historically been more common than polyandry and still exists today in a variety of traditional and contemporary forms around the world—including in the United States:
- King Moshoeshoe I of Lesotho, who founded the Basotho nation, had over 30 wives by 1833, with that number reportedly rising to 140 by the time of his death in 1870. These marriages often served diplomatic, social, and lineage purposes.
- In parts of West Africa, the Middle East, and Southeast Asia, polygyny is still legally and culturally accepted, often rooted in religious or tribal traditions.
- In the United States, polygyny is practiced both within and outside of religious communities. While some fundamentalist Mormon groups continue the tradition, others embrace it for reasons rooted in cultural heritage, personal philosophy, or relationship autonomy—often without religious motivation or legal recognition.
- American reality TV has also spotlighted modern polygyny, such as TLC’s Sister Wives, which documents a man navigating life with multiple wives and a large blended family.
- In some African and African diasporic communities, polygyny may also be practiced informally—not for political alliance, but as an expression of personal, spiritual, or cultural values.
Across cultures and eras, polygyny—like other forms of non-monogamy—reflects how people adapt their relationship structures to meet the emotional, spiritual, and economic realities of their lives.
Non-monogamy isn’t new. It’s human. It’s adaptive.
All the Feels, All the Truth
Non-monogamy isn’t just a structure—it’s a mirror. It can amplify all the feels: joy, freedom, curiosity… but also jealousy, insecurity, and fear.
The emotional depth of open relationships isn’t easier or harder than monogamy. It’s just different.
Some people find freedom in openness. Others realize their boundaries. And often, what begins as a search for “more” becomes a deeper confrontation with what we really want—or need—from intimacy.
Is Monogamy Still Making Sense?
Perhaps the real question is: what does love look like to you? What we’re seeing isn’t the fall of monogamy—it’s the rise of options. Some people find deep connection in exclusivity. Others thrive in openness. Both can be valid.
This article isn’t a recruitment pitch—it’s a think piece. The goal isn’t to sway, but to offer perspective. To expand the conversation. Because when we stop assuming there’s just one path to love, we open space for more honest, intentional, and human relationships—whatever shape they take.
And once you find that answer for yourself, know this:
There may be one, or there may be many soulmates—each aligned with the truth you choose to live.
About the Writer:
Assata Akil is an artist, author, and storyteller whose works explore identity, strength, and femininity. She is the author of Ear Candy, Ear Candy: The Fetish Edition, and Petty Cache. Her latest project, IFE Unveiled, combines literature and visual art, showcased at SoHo Galleries in Mérida, Mexico. Based in Mérida with her family, Assata continues to inspire through her bold and evocative creations.
