Written by Assata Akil
Relationships can be tricky. You’re wooed, giggly, caught up in the rush of the beginning—and then you relax. You think, this feels good. I could get used to this. So you do.
You stop dressing up. Stop planning. Stop flirting.
Love slips into loungewear—lazy, predictable, unbothered.
But comfort is tricky—it wears the face of peace while quietly stealing passion.
It doesn’t slam the door; it slips in slow.
Until one day, you’re not showing up. You’re just existing.
Why do we treat love like it’s permanent when it needs daily invitations?
Comfort creeps in slow.
In dry replies.
In skipped plans.
In the soft fade of effort.
I hear couples say they feel “settled,” when really—they’ve stopped choosing each other.
We dress to attract. We chase to connect.
So why stop the moment we think we’ve caught them?
Silent Drift Starts Loud Regrets
Emotional distance doesn’t yell—it whispers.
It shows up in silence, in assumptions, in the space between routines.
That’s why check-ins matter. One simple question—”What do you need more of from me lately?”—can pull love back into focus.
That’s not weakness. That’s what intentional love looks like.
Don’t Just Keep Them—Want Them
Let’s be real—it’s easy to slip into autopilot.
But love doesn’t survive on vibes alone.
Attraction takes work. Intimacy takes choice.
Psychologists at the Gottman Institute found that small, everyday “bids for connection”—a look, a touch, a question—are what separate thriving couples from fading ones.
Every day, you decide if the flame keeps burning or starts fading.
* Reality Check: However you showed up in the beginning—bring that energy back sometimes.
Make them feel wanted, not just claimed.
Comfort Is the Enemy of Growth
Growth isn’t automatic. It’s intentional.
Studies show that couples who explore new experiences together report deeper satisfaction and stronger connection—what psychologists call self-expansion.
Too many people don’t notice the shift until it’s too late—unaware that love didn’t leave with a bang, it fizzled out with silence.
*Sex in Mid City Reminder: Just because it feels familiar doesn’t mean it’s built to last.
You either grow together, or you grow apart.
Sex Shouldn’t Be a Side Dish
Let’s keep it real—when life gets loud, intimacy is often the first thing to go quiet.
Sex is sacred energy, not a leftover after the bills and bedtime routines.
It’s not just physical—it’s a soul ritual.
And when you stop prioritizing it, don’t be surprised when the connection feels cold.
The fire you stop feeding will find somewhere else to burn.
Stop waiting for the “perfect mood” or “free time.”
Make the moment. Be the moment.
Tease. Kiss longer. Grab what you used to grab.
Look at them like you still want them.
In long-term relationships, sexual satisfaction is closely tied to emotional closeness and novelty—according to studies published in the Journal of Sex Research.
The passion you neglect becomes the spark someone else remembers.
Don’t let intimacy get buried under bills, binge-watching, and burnout.
Touch on purpose. Make the moment matter.
*Close the laptop. Turn off the phone. Light the candle. Say something filthy. Or sweet. Just say something.
Passion isn’t accidental—it’s intentional.
Final Thought
Love is a rhythm- not a rest.
Comfort feels good, but passion doesn’t grow in neutral.
It needs motion, curiosity, and intention to stay alive.
It’s not about grand gestures—it’s about the everyday choice to keep showing up, even when you don’t have to.
Don’t wait until it’s over to wish you had tried harder.
Choose them like you’re still earning their love—not just living in it.
They don’t leave all at once.
They leave in layers—one missed moment at a time.
Until the absence becomes louder than the presence ever was.
About the Writer:
Assata Akil is an artist, author, and storyteller whose works explore identity, strength, and femininity. She is the author of Ear Candy, Ear Candy: The Fetish Edition, and Petty Cache. Her latest project, IFE Unveiled, combines literature and visual art, showcased at SoHo Galleries in Mérida, Mexico. Based in Mérida with her family, Assata continues to inspire through her bold and evocative creations.
